Posts filed under 'Psychology Tips'
The most common question I have been asked over the years is why do I feel so strange and detached from the outside world.
Here is a chatper on this particualr symptom from a book I wrote on the whole Anxiety/Panic subject.
Depersonalisation
In the process of writing this book I covered the feeling of detachment from oneself, otherwise known as depersonalisation: an emotional disorder in which there is loss of contact with your own personal reality accompanied by feelings of unreality and strangeness, also a sensation of ones environment looking or feeling ’strange’ and unusual.
This one question kept coming up more and more as I was writing this book, so I decided to add an extra chapter on this annoying, yet harmless, symptom.
D.P., as I will refer to it, is a common and understandable offshoot of the anxiety condition. I can also tell you that it is in no way a mental illness. It is not serious or harmful in any way and has a totally logical explanation. It is temporary and, with patience and understanding, eventually passes like any other symptom.
The key to recovering from this feeling of detachment is to surrender to this strange feeling, to pay it no respect and realise it is just the product of an over-tired mind, fatigued by your constant worrying thoughts and the constant checking in to how you feel. This symptom relies on your fear of it to keep it alive.
When people are caught up in the worry cycle, they begin to think deeply and constantly. They study themselves from deep within, checking in and focusing on their symptoms. They may even wake in the morning only to continue this habit, “How do I feel this morning? “I wonder if I will be able to get through today”. What’s this new sensation I feel?” This may go on all day, exhausting their already tired mind further. This constant checking in and constant assessing of their symptoms then becomes a habit, but like all other habits this one can also be changed.
All this worry is bound to make your mind feel dull and unresponsive. Is it any wonder you have come to feel so distanced from your surroundings? Is it any wonder you find it so hard to concentrate? Some people, when studying for exams for hours on end, get to the point where they can no longer take information in, so they take a break and carry on the day after. For you, there are no breaks and no time outs.
As I have already mentioned earlier, your body has a safety mechanism that protects it from all this worry and slows the mind down to safeguard itself. It takes a step back from this onslaught, which can then produce your feelings of detachment and the world around you may become hazy or out of focus.
Once you understand this symptom as being caused by an over-tired mind, exhausted through worry, that you are not going mad and these feelings can’t harm you in any way, it makes sense. With the fear factor taken out of this symptom, it can start to hold less power over you and affect you less than it did before. Although still annoying, you now know why you feel these feelings. Once you learn to accept them and stop adding worrying thoughts to the mix, this is another symptom that you will be able to overcome in time. Taking a step back and giving up the worrying thoughts, gives your mind the chance to rest, rejuvenate and refresh.
When it happened to me, I recognised and understood what was causing it. I realised that I was checking in and worrying about it and I did fear this sensation, so I just stopped doing it. I also learnt to get busier and stop brooding on this and other symptoms. Being active gives you another focus. Having too much time on your hands can open the door to too much needless thinking. With less worry and fear of this harmless but upsetting symptom, I was eventually able to overcome it. It merely became a nuisance and because I knew the reason for its existence, it no longer held any power over me. When a worry or fear loses its importance, it loses its power and that is why it is essential to realise these symptoms are neither harmful nor serious. Gradually, without all the checking in and worrying, this symptom that so dominated my life began to diminish and eventually disappeared completely.
This symptom is like any other all symptoms are still being fuelled by your fear of them. As long as the fear continues, so will the symptoms. When we start to understand why we feel like we do, we automatically fear them less and they start to lose their edge and importance, this is when symptoms gradually start to fade.
For more information and a fuller understanding of your condition please visit my website below.
http://www.anxietynomore.co.uk
March 6th, 2008
Negative thoughts and feelings can significantly contribute to
the tension we experience in our bodies. Most of the time we are
unaware of the tension in our bodies until it manifests as a
physical condition such as muscle tightness in the body,
headaches and even stomach ulcers. Progressive relaxation serves
as a great way relax the body at the first sign of tension.
Progressive relaxation involves systematically tensing and
relaxing various groups of muscles in an orderly sequence. By
regularly practicing this technique, you can train yourself to
recognize the feelings associated with tensed and relaxed
muscles. Recognizing the tension or stress in your body at an
early stage gives you the opportunity to stop it before it
becomes a major physical problem.
When performing the progressive relaxation technique it
important to follow the following guide lines
- Do this technique in a quiet room where no one can interrupt
you
- Sit on a comfortable chair, couch, recliner or lie on a bed
- Allocate around 10-15 minutes every day as your scheduled time
for this technique
- Note the sensations you experience tensing and relaxing the
various muscle groups
Start off by closing your eyes and taking a few deep breaths for
one minute. Then start progressive tensing and relaxing the
various muscle groups. The sequence of muscles varies slightly
depending on how much time you have however the general order is
as follows:
- Toes
- Knees
- Entire right leg
- Entire left leg
- Right hand
- Right forearm and hand
- Entire right arm
- Left hand
- Left forearm and hand
- Entire left arm
- Abdomen
- Chest
- Neck and shoulders
- Face
At the end you should be feeling quite relaxed. Keep your eyes
closed and breathe in deeply. Slowly start moving your fingers
and wriggling your toes. Breathe in deeply again and stretch
gently. Then breathe in deeply one more time and open your eyes.
NOTE: because this technique involves deliberate tensing of
muscles, it is important to check with your physician if you
have any medical history of muscle problems.
March 5th, 2008
Some men may not know or do not have the slightest idea if
a woman is ready to be kissed. These men may be sitting
beside their dates talking too much they suddenly realize
how the lips of their dates are so kissable.
Their imagination will then take control, but this would
also mean disaster if done wrong. This may often leave
these men without a second chance for another date with the
woman.
If a guy finds himself talking to a girl and wondering if
she’s ready to be kissed, he may softly touch her hair and
give a compliment about it.
If the girl shows a favorable reaction, this may be a sign
of getting closer to a kiss. Get closer and try reaching
for her hair again.
Touch the hair tips and simply gaze on her lips and eyes.
The fact that she does not mind about you getting closer to
her is a sign that she is comfortable. This is a sign for a
guy to go and kiss the girl.
Some guys try to go out on an adventurous date in order to
make the kissing move more suave and natural. One
particular example is a guy who usually takes a girl to a
small boat ride on a river.
Upon sailing along the river, he happens to direct the boat
to a place covered with trees and fireflies - truly a
romantic place to kiss.
A guy can also take her date to some ancient ruins in a
local spot and manage to spend time walking until dark.
These ruins usually light up at night.
The guy can take his date to the top of the ruins where
they can see the city all beautifully lit up. This is when
the guy should make a move and kiss his date.
Find more tips at LayAid.com
February 18th, 2008
When it comes to treating depression, the best course of action is a treatment program that is initiated before a depressive illness becomes too severe. Therefore, it is important for a person to understand and appreciate the telltale signs of depression.
When a discussion turns to the signs of depression, many people slough off the talk, concluding that they do not have to worry about the signs of depression let alone the disease of depression. In point of fact, a majority of people will experience at least one major depressive episode at least once in their lifetimes. Therefore, it is important for everyone to understand at least on a basic level the signs of depression.
One of the major signs of depression is a sudden lack of energy. A depressed person will find his or her self feeling lethargic nearly all of the time. Coupled with the feeling of lethargy as one of the signs of depression, a person afflicted with depression will find his or her sleeping habits distorted.
As signs of depression go, the distortion of sleeping habits of a person who is depressed can take to divergent forms. On the one hand, a person may find his or her self sleeping far more than had historically been normal in his or her life. On the other hand, a person afflicted with depression may find his or her self having a hard time to sleep. (Lack of sleep can further aggravate a depressive illness. While sleeping more than normal can impact a person’s life on a number of levels, it will not necessarily directly aggravate a depressive disease. However, as has been mentioned, being unable to sleep in a sound and appropriate manner will accelerate the symptoms of a depressive illness significantly.)
Another of the signs of depression is a change in appetite. As with sleep patterns, the signs of depression associated with appetite can take two very divergent forms. On the one hand, there are people who are suffering from depression who reduce their intake of food markedly. At the other end of the spectrum, one of the signs of depression can be overeating, particularly when a person is not actually hungry.
One of the signs of depression is a growing lack of attention to personal hygiene and grooming. A person who is depressed loses interest in his or her personal presentation. In addition, these people sometimes feel that they simply lack the energy to work their way through their typical hygienic and grooming routines.
The signs of depression also include a person losing interest in activities and pastimes that he or she once enjoyed. One of the signs of depression related to loss of interested in pastimes and activities is isolation. A depressed person oftentimes will isolate his or her self from friends and family members for extended periods of time.
One of the signs of depression includes disorganization. A person who is depressed may seem scattered and absentminded. That person may also become less than diligent in the management of his or her finances.
Further information can be found at www.sign-of-depression.info
December 23rd, 2007
The Lethal Concentration
Drug abuse scientists use the term “lethal dose” (LD) to describe the dose (or “concentration” from the alcohol perspective) that leads to death in half of the population (LD: 50). Most substance abuse experts agree that blood alcohol concentrations in the 0.40% to 0.50% range satisfy the LD: 50 requirement.
The “blood alcohol concentration” is the percentage of alcohol in the blood after the alcohol has been absorbed by the stomach and entered the blood supply.
The Definition of Alcohol Overdose
Based on the discussion above, we can construct a working definition of the term “alcohol overdose.” An alcohol overdose is an unsafe and sometimes deadly consequence of drinking excessive amounts of alcohol that results in blood alcohol concentrations from 0.40% to .50% or higher. It must be mentioned, additionally, that “binge drinking” (drinking five or more alcoholic drinks in one sitting) can also lead to an alcohol overdose.
How Alcohol Affects Your Body
The effects of alcohol on your body are directly related to the amount of alcohol in your blood (i.e., your blood alcohol level). The following are the key factors that affect your blood alcohol level:
- How much food is in your stomach at the time you drink
- How strong the alcoholic drink is
- How quickly your body metabolizes the alcohol
- How quickly you consume the alcoholic drink
How Does This Apply To Me?
Alcohol abuse researchers define a “standard drink” as 12 ounces of beer, 5 ounces of wine, or 1.5 ounces of 72-proof distilled spirits, all of which contain around .54 ounces of alcohol. In this context, it is also important to state that the average person metabolizes alcohol at the rate of about one drink per hour.
Now that we know what constitutes a “standard drink” and approximately how long it takes a “normal” person to metabolize an alcoholic beverage, we can place the term “lethal dose” into a more comprehensible viewpoint:
- A 100-pound man or woman would have to drink 9 or 10 “standard drinks” in less than an hour to reach the LD: 50
- A 200-pound man or woman would have to drink roughly 5 or 6 “standard drinks” per hour for 4 hours to reach the LD: 50.
Alcohol Overdose Information: Conclusion
While patterns of excessive drinking such as these are atypical in most drinking conditions, taking part in “drinking games” (such as “Beer Hunter,” “Death Ring,” or “Snap” that are played at many parties) and club “initiations” (such as fraternity or sorority initiations) recurrently involve drinking that can, and does, reach lethal doses. Evidently, excessive drinking can lead not only to poor judgment but also to deleterious health problems that can result in death.
July 25th, 2007
Fear of conflict is common.
We are anxious when we recall past quarrels and disagreements that resulted in personal injury, either physical or emotional. We remember feeling frightened, defeated and powerless.
To avoid repeating the experience, we can become passive, agreeable or accepting. We try to please the challenger, so they do not strike out again. We believe we have some power over the other person’s outbursts thinking; "If I change… things will be better."
We may withdraw from the situation, believing the problem will be solved with time. Withdrawal, not talking or avoiding contact can also be a attempt at control. Solutions are not possible with the other person absent.
Acting in these ways will not help the situation improve.
Problems need to be solved to go away. Unresolved power struggles resurface disguised in different situations.
If we verbally and physically beat on others, we have not accepted personal responsibility for our behaviour. We think others control us. Someone else "makes" me angry. We are really saying; "I do not have control over myself."
When we lash out at the ideas others present, we reveal our own anxiety. This insecurity can lead to frightening, overpowering behaviour. Conflict can only be resolved without name calling, hitting, threats of bodily harm and undermining the other person’s self esteem. An atmosphere of safety is necessary.
Each person must gain control over their own behaviour. We must choose to accept responsibility for our thoughts, words and deeds. We have the power to change ourselves!
Identifying a specific problem is the first step to solving it.
Resolving a deep problem often means solving smaller superficial differences first.
We must also let go of the idea that there is always a winner and a loser. When we think we know the one "right" way, we limit our ability to negotiate. Gaining suitable results, requires a struggle to find common ground. All parties involved need to commit to solving the problems.
By sticking to the issues, using examples to make our points and communicating our wants clearly, specific areas needing resolution can be pin pointed. A desire to resolve the difference must be honestly present in each person.
Marilyn Barnicke Belleghem M.Ed., is a registered marriage and family therapist and consults to families in business on issues related to workplace relationships. She is the author of books on personal growth through travel. http://www.questpublishing.ca
June 17th, 2007
“Ring, ring.” The crisis operator answers the phone to a woman pleading to let her daughter know that she loves her. The woman spent her day writing letters to friends and loved ones, expressing her thoughts and emotions. From the loaded gun on the table to the rope hanging from the attic, it was a well-thought out plan (Lewis, Pamela, 2003).
Have you ever felt life was not worth living? Have you wished you were dead? Have you had any thoughts of taking your own life? It began October of 1998, while my husband and I were on our way home from the grocery store. The cellular phone rings. My husband answers. He then tells the caller that we are on our way there. His tone of voice sounded frightened and worried. I repeatedly asked, “What is going on? Why are you driving so fast?”
“Something has happened to your mother!”, he exclaimed. I had fifteen minutes to prepare myself for the worst, yet I did not know exactly what I was preparing for. As we arrived to the scene, numerous police vehicles, two ambulances, the local rescue squad, private investigators, negotiators, and the SWAT team had one half of a mile from my house blocked off. As we came to a stop, I jumped out of the car crying and screaming, while trying to find answers as to what has happened. A police officer then pulled me aside. The young man explained that my mother was attempting suicide due to her depression.
As the number one public health problem, four to 8 percent of the U.S. population experience or have experienced a clinical depressed syndrome (Klerman, Gerald, pg. 27). Depression is a mental illness that requires immediate medical attention. Because depression is so widespread, it is often called the ‘common cold’ (Koop, Everett, 1996). The difference between a cold and depression is that depression, if not treated, can lead to the death of an individual.
Depression occurs when nerve cells, or neurons, fail to communicate with each other due to a chemical imbalance in the brain (Koop, Everett, 1996). A neuron is a specialized cell that conducts messages through the nervous system. Two neurons communicate with each other by electrical impulses or signals. The point of communication where electrical signals carry a message between two neurons is called a synapse. Separating the sending neurons and receiving neurons from the axon terminal are tiny, fluid-filled gaps called synaptic clefts. Chemicals called neurotransmitters dock at receptor sites, thus igniting the electrical signal of that neuron. After the signal is delivered, the neurotransmitters float back to the neuron that sent them. This process is called reputake.
Researchers have found many causes or reasons for depression. Usually, depression is caused by a deficiency in the neurotransmitter serotonin or norepinephrine (Morgan, Marie, pg. 75). Serotonin helps regulate mood, sleep, aggression, and appetite. Norepinephrine affects wakefulness, alertness, and also appetite. In some cases hereditary, personality traits, stress, and lack of supportive relationships are linked to depression. Other causes for depression are helplessness, sense of loss, isolation, and unresolved anger (Koop, Everett, 1996). Through your eyes, you see the world as a series of positive, neutral, or negative events. These events are interrupted through a group of thoughts that constantly flow through your mind. This is called your internal dialogue. Created by your thoughts is your feelings or mood. Before an emotional response can be experienced what you are feeling or what is happening to you (Burns, David, pg. 30). Therefore, the negative thoughts that process through your mind are actually the cause of your emotions.
Your negative thoughts, or cognitions, are the most overlooked symptoms of depression. Symptoms are feelings or behaviors that disturb normal functioning (Heitler, Susan, pg.47). A depressed person may show signs, such as a loss of pleasure or interest in usual activities, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, decrease in the ability to think or concentrate, and a loss of energy and appetite (Koop, Everett, 1996). The assessments of symptoms include specifying troubled behaviors and feelings, the history of the symptoms and diagnosing the problem (Heitler, Susan, pg. 49). Other symptoms include crying excessively, negative thoughts about the future and even thoughts of death or suicide (Koop, Everett, 1996).
Suicide is the deliberate taking of one’s own life, which accounts for 5 percent of clinically depressed patients (Burns, David, pg. 383). Suicide rates have increased in children and adolescents since the 1990’s (Burns, David, pg. 9).
Why do depressed individuals often think of suicide? Persuasive and pessimistic visions dominate their thoughts. To them, life seems to be a nightmare. When a depressed person thinks of the past, she only remembers moments of suffering and pain (Burns, David, pg. 384). Researchers have proven that the unrealistic sense of hopelessness is one of the most important factors in the plans for a serious suicidal wish or thought (Burns, David, pg. 385). A famous myth remains today: An unsuccessful suicide attempt is simply a means of getting attention and is not to be taken seriously (Burns, David, pg. 387). The fact is that all attempts are to be taken very seriously. Because a depressed individual’s pain and suffering may feel unbearable and never ending, she may conclude that suicide is the only escape. In reality, medical treatment and attention will help the individual overcome depression.
Many researchers have described therapy as an opportunity for people to deal with their conflict of everyday living (Heitler, Susan, pg. 7). Consulting with a professional, such as a psychologist or a psychiatrist, can be a nice beginning for treatment. With a Ph.D. in psychology and other related fields, a psychologist serves the public through research, testing, and psychotherapy (Hauck, Paul, pg. 134). Psychotherapy is an important means of treatment for certain types of emotional or mental disorders. Usually working with the patient alone, a psychologist allows her to express feelings and emotions of life’s battles. At the end of each session, the psychologist gives simple, step by step advice to the patient. A psychiatrist is a medical doctor who specializes in counseling clients with psychiatric, neurologic, and medical conditions (Reference International Publishers, LTD, pg. 18). During a period of one to six visits, the doctor will be discussed with the patient and followed upon regularly (Reference International Publishers, LTD, pg. 187). A psychiatrist also prescribes and administers medication, usually antidepressants, with the referral from a psychologist (Hauck, Paul, pg.135).
Antidepressants are drugs that are prescribed to treat depression and some anxiety disorders. The most widely prescribed drugs, tricyclic antidepressants, enhance the potency of the brain’s neurotransmitters in the synapse. Some agents of tricyclic drugs are Imipramine, Desipramine, Amitriptyline, Nortriptyline, Protriptyline, and Doxepin (Burns, David, pgs. 430-432). Side effects, such as dry mouth, constipation and blurred vision, disappear after the first few days (Burns, David, pg. 432). MAO inhibitors cause elevations in the levels of amine neurotransmitters, thus, correcting the chemical imbalance in the brain. The most commonly prescribed trade names for MAO inhibitors are Marplan, Nardil, and Parnate. Similar to tricyclic drugs, the side effects of MAO inhibitors are dry mouth, lightheadedness, trouble urinating, a rash, and constipation or loose stools (Burns, David, pg. 440). MAO inhibitors, if not taken properly can produce serious effects. Blood pressure may rise of certain foods or drugs containing a substance called tyramine, which interferes with the brain’s ability to regulate blood pressure, while taking a MAO inhibitor (Burns, David, pg. 441). Lithium carbonate is another antidepressant drug used to treat severe depression. Although lithium is simply salt, it does have many side effects, such as hand tremors, nausea, vomiting, and diarrhea, that usually taper off within a week or soon after (Morgan, Marie, pg. 78). Long term effects of lithium include blackouts, headache, slurred speech, weight changes, fatigue, and hypotension (Morgan, Marie, pg. 70). Valium is an antidepressant that suppresses anxiety and covers up symptoms rather than getting at the causes (Morgan, Marie, pg. 78).
Although addictive and may worsen depression, some doctors use minor tranquilizers or sedatives to treat anxiety and nervousness (Burns, David, pg. 444). Sleeping pills are used to help treat insomnia. These pills become highly addictive as they disrupt normal sleep patterns and greatly worsen the sleeping problem. For example, my mother was given the drug, Ambien, because she was having trouble falling and staying asleep. She awoke often only to take another pill because she was still not able to sleep well. Ambien gave her short-term amnesia and disrupted her sleep instead of helping her sleep. She ended up in the emergency room for an accidental overdose (Lewis, Pamela, 2003). I almost lost her again to a drug that was supposed to help her. There are at least a dozen different antidepressants that are effective for some patients, while for others, the results may be disappointing or harmful. Reoccurrences of depression can happen at any time a person stops taking medication as prescribed just because they ‘think’ they are better. In some cases a depressed person may need an increase or even a change in medication after an evaluation with a doctor or therapist. In the near future, researchers will hopefully advance the understanding of antidepressant drugs and how they affect the human brain.
It sometimes, seems that the more hopeless and severe the depression was, the more extraordinary and delicious the taste of happiness and self-esteem is. As you begin to feel better, the pessimistic thoughts will go away like the melting of the winter snow when spring arrives. You may even wonder how you ever could believe such thought in the first place. Because the change of negative to more neutral or positive thinking can be so dramatic, a person may be convinced that the depression has vanished forever. But that simply is not true because there is a mood disorder that remains. A depressed person who feels better must understand what caused the depression and be able to apply and reapply self-help techniques whenever needed. Acquiring self-confidence and self-esteem is a must to getting better. Focusing on happy memories and keeping positive thoughts will decrease the recurrence of depression. Lowering one’s standards to prevent disappointment and learning from one’s own mistakes will also help a person overcome depression.
My mother has beat the battle of depression after six months in Zellar, the old local mental institution, and years of learning how to cope with life’s emotional stress. Trying to resume her original lifestyle was the most difficult obstacle to getting better. Her suicidal attempt was reported on the front page of the Peoria Journal Star. Not only did they have the wrong information about the depressing event, they also labeled her and tried to press charges against her for trying to take her own life. Returning to work, she was stereotyped as ‘crazy’ or ‘insane’ instead of strong and hopeful for fighting the horrifying condition. It has been five years since her breakdown and she now lives a wonderful and happy life. She states, “I am proud to be here today!” (Lewis, Pamela, 2003). If you know anyone who shows any signs of depression or has thoughts of death, help them. Be their friend and give them positive reinforcement. Show them they are loved and needed in your life and many others. Most important, get them help because not every depressed person knows they are depressed, therefore they may not be able to help themselves.
References:
Burns, David D., MD. Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy. Avon Books Printing. New York, New York: 1980.
Hauck, Paul A. Overcoming Depression. The Westminster Press.
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania: 1987.
Heitler, Susan M., Ph.D. From Conflict to Resolution.W.W. Norton and Company, Inc. New York, New York: 1990.
Klerman, Gerald L. Interpersonal Psychotherapy of Depression. Jason Aronson, Inc. Northvale, New Jersey: 1984.
Koop, Everett C., MD. Depression at Time of Diagnosis. Time Life Medical. Patient Education Media, Inc. New York, New York: 1996.
Lewis, Pamela. Interview. Edelstein, Illinois: 2003.
Morgan, Marie. Breaking Through: How to Overcome Housewives’ Depression.
Winston Press, Inc. Minneapolis, Minnesota: 1983.
Reference International Publishers, Ltd. Good Housekeeping: Family Health and Medical Guide. Hearst Books. New York, New York: 1979, 1980.
Jamie Herold
May 21st, 2007
I want to start by defining what anger is. It is important to make it clear that everyone experiences anger. It is an emotion and temporary in nature. Anger involves physiological as well as emotional arousal. Like any emotion, it ranges in intensity. It also ranges in frequency and durance. People express anger in all sorts of ways; many are likely to lead to negative health consequence, lost jobs, damaged relationships, and even possibly legal consequences.
I want to specifically discuss rage, which is an extreme, intense and potentially disabling expression of anger leading to aggressive behavior. Uncontrollable blow ups are common in people who have maladaptive ways of coping with emotions. There are steps you can take to eliminate rage. A rage eliminator strategy involves the following steps.
1. Recognize that rage holds roots in your expectations about how other people “should” behave.
2. This one is tough, but people will at some time “fail” to live up to your expectations.
3. In these moments of disappointment, your feelings are likely to be hurt.
4. Rather than express disappointment or hurt you may “stuff” your feelings down.
5. In this unresolved state you convert disappointment to resentment and ultimately rage by telling yourself things such as “how dare he/she…”
6. If you maintain this unproductive conversation with your self you will likely lead to feelings of self pity.
7. When you feel sorry for your self you may begin to tell yourself that this kind of thing “always” happens. This contributes to a feel of being a “victim”.
8. Feeling like a victim it becomes easier to talk yourself into such things as “I’ll show him/her”. “I’ll let them have it”.
9. Once you have given your permission to “retaliate” is when rageful behavior can occur.
10. In the aftermath you may feel guilty about your rageful display. This can lead to a mixture of feeling crummy about yourself and continuing to feel resentful toward the other person for “doing it to me”.
If you are a rager, your cycle may be slightly different. However, you can learn the specifics of your cycle. It is hard work, but the long term pay off is worth it. You can learn to alter your expectations of other people and learn to express yourself more effectively when you are feeling hurt or disappointed.
Here are some quick rage busting ideas:
1. Write down some of your past rageful displays. You can’t change what you don’t acknowledge. With each incident include initially a three column technique. First is the situation. Second is what you were saying to yourself about this situation. Third is your resulting emotion and behavior.
2. Next think about each incident and connect with the “subtler” emotions you felt at the time, such as hurt or disappointment.
3. Then write down how these feelings relate to your expectations for others. Related to this, include some of the “worst fears” you have about relationships. Do you fear humiliation? Do you fear the person will leave you? Do you think people will think poorly about you? Rejection? Imperfection?
4. Identify the likelihood of your worst fears. Also identify what that would mean if the worst fear actually happened. You will likely conclude that it would be undesirable, but not the terrible life ending, devastating thing you had imaged.
5. Identify things you could say to yourself to to keep from converting feelings of hurt to feeling of rage.
6. Practice in your mind past incidents where you blew up. However, this time bring yourself to the point before you blew up and use self talk strategies to work this situation through more effectively. Mental rehearsal is a power strategy. It is used by top athletes to rehearse successful performances. It is can also be used as a way of “retraining” yourself to think, feel and behave in different ways. Practice this strategy frequently.
7. Write a list of people you need to have a conversation of responsibility with about your past actions. Remember, an apology or statement of responsibility is more effective when you have created and maintained change for a time.
Sincerely,
Dr. Mike Davison
http://www.PartnersInPurpose.com
http://www.PartnersInPurpose.Blogspot.com
If you have any questions about individualized consultation or
coaching to help you live your big dream, please do not hesitate
to contact me at mike@PartnersInPurpose.com .
Copyright, 2006. http://www.PartnersInPurpose.com
All rights reserved. For more information, contact:
Dr. Mike Davison
3295 N. Arlington Heights Rd. Suite 103
Arlington Heights, IL 60004
Telephone: (800) 470-3257
mike@PartnersInPurpose.com
May 20th, 2007