Posts filed under 'Humorists Lair'

Stained Glass Studio Humor Helps To Overcome Adversity - Don’t Be Like Milo

Back in 1985, I had an experience which really was a set back for me. It was at a time when a lot of pressure was building. I wasn’t sure which direction I wanted my stained glass art to go. We had experienced a house fire and I needed to concentrate on rebuilding. I had sold the video rental part of our business, which was also the part that brought in income on a consistent basis. But I still loved stained glass, it was just that the shine was starting to wear off, it wasn’t as fun anymore.

Someone once told me that anything you do to earn your living will eventually become a job. And I guess that was happening to me, my art was becoming my job and I spent more time trying to make money, than trying to make good art.

But it was still fun, there was always a renewal of excitement when we began to teach a new series of classes because the students would bring their enthusiasm with them and Jeanne and I would be reminded all over again about what a great and fantastic art form stained glass construction was.

Then Milo came and took classes. He walked into the studio in his “Missouri Tuxedo.” That’s a pair of bib overalls. He wore no additional shirt over his quite large frame and he was barefoot. He looked a little like Santa Claus on vacation with his white flowing beard and round tummy. He began to ask us about stained glass and he caught the excitement of the vision of being able to create his own work of art. So we invited him to join with us during our next class and he came. We were happy to have him, but we cautioned that you have to wear shoes in a stained glass shop and that a shirt was also a good idea.

Milo showed up at the appointed hour, full of enthusiasm. He brought his wife along, just to watch. That was a common occurrence in Missouri, a way to get good value from your dollar and give your spouse a chance to get out of the house. Milo chose a very nice round pattern of a scene with ducks in it for his first project. He enjoyed the process of selecting the glass and really understood the concept of cutting out his pattern pieces and tracing them out on glass. Then he began to cut his glass.

Now, we had already taught him how to cut glass before he laid a cutter on glass which he had purchased and he had done okay, but as he began to cut his pieces out, he varied from the instructions we had given him. I told Milo, he should push the cutter away from himself so he could see where the wheel on the cutter was going, but Milo felt is was easier to pull it towards himself. Then, I had taught Milo to tap under the glass to get the score to run so that he could tap directly under the score and get a nice, clean break. Milo figured it was easier to turn the glass upside down and lay it on the table and tap it from that side. Consequently, his tapping was often not directly under the place scored and his glass often broke in the wrong place.

Mistakes happen when learning a new skill, but Milo wouldn’t listen. As hard as we tried, Milo was going to do it his own way. I said push, he pulled, I said tap from the bottom, he tapped from the top. When he broke a large piece of glass which would be the sky in the window, I offered to give him a new piece of glass. But of course, Milo refused, instead he just jovially said, “No, that will just be another lead line.” And so his project went, one badly broken and shaped piece after another, with “new lead lines” springing up whenever a mistake was made.

Milo was having so much fun, he decided to take his project home and foil and solder it there. At that point, I figured it couldn’t hurt, he didn’t listen to a word of advice anyone gave in class.

I was wrong.

A day or two passed and Milo returned with his completed project. He had foiled and soldered it at home. Of course, he hadn’t had a stained glass type solder iron, so he soldered his window with a soldering gun. He asked if I could help him with some of his lead lines and I agreed, but when I looked at the panel, I was appalled.

In the course of soldering a stained glass window together, the builder will solder one side completely and then turn the window over and solder the other side. Occasionally, you might miss a place or two, but for the most part, most folks do a pretty good job of covering their window and making it a solid piece.

Not so with Milo’s window. There were holes all over it where not only hadn’t it been soldered on the front, it hadn’t been soldered on the back as well. I was dumbfounded. I really didn’t know where to start. Usually when I’m asked to help with a solder job, it’s just to help smooth the occasional rough spot and teach the student how to improve their technique. No solder joint on his project was right or good or complete. I had to start on one side and re-solder everything. When I finished, I left the backside for Milo to redo and showed him how the right tool was important for the job. For once, he listened and bought his own iron.

A few days later, Milo drove up and climbed out of his truck. He parked right in front of the store so he could get his finished project from the passenger side and bring it into the store. He had worked on the soldering at home and if anything, it was worse than when he had left days before. I offered to help him with his technique, but he didn’t need help, Milo was happy with his project as it was. In fact, he was there to buy more supplies and another pattern so he could build another window.

Over the next few weeks, Milo built four or five stained glass panels. They were certainly originals, but try as I might, I couldn’t get him to vary his techniques. He was fine with his poor construction. What really got to me was that Milo carried his windows in his pickup wherever he went, not caring that they got cracked sitting there on the seat as they bounced up and down over rural back roads. He happily went from town to town, proudly showing everyone who would listen that he had built these “stain glasses” himself and that that David Gomm over in Pierce City was his teacher. My reputation suffered and I was mortified, as Milo went about enjoying his love for glass crafting, my love for it dwindled and soon was gone.

Milo had done me in. My love for the art was at an ebb anyhow, but to have this big lug go about telling everyone that I was his teacher was just more than I could bear. I just snapped and gave lamp bases away to students. I took all my glass and supplies home to a small workspace, gave away extra grinders and tools. I didn’t want to look at another piece of glass!

And I didn’t for about a year. Then slowly, my interest began to return. It started as Jeanne taught a local youth group about stained glass. Then we got a commission for the city park and as we began to build and design, life became good again and my love for stained glass returned.

But nowadays, when I have a student who won’t follow directions, I tell them the story of Milo. Their eyes grow wide with disbelief that there could be someone who wouldn’t listen at all to instruction. And they try to at least give it a chance when I ask them to push not pull and tap from the bottom, not the top.

David Gomm started building stained glass windows professionally back in 1983 and has become an expert at many aspects of stained glass building, design and repair. He writes a monthly newsletter at http://www.betterstainedglass.com

He also has a website with many other articles at http://www.gommstudios.com

These articles may be distributed freely on your website and in your ezines, as long as the entire article, copyright notice, links and this resource box are unchanged, or if using a portion of the article, it points back to one of our pages where the entire article resides. Copyright © David Gomm All Rights Reserved.

March 11th, 2008

Much too Grand of a Story for Us Now

Now Lynn who thought she was Queen Elizabeth was Couch sitting
after being evicted. Carol, the one who probally is Queen
Elizabeth but does not know it or want to believe it if it was
true. An interesting fact with all the tobacco legislation in
the news within the last five years is, Queen Elizabeth started
the trade in the colonies in that life and in this one helped
put an end to it by leading one of the nations strongest
prevention movement against it in Massachusetts. But back to
Lynn, see years ago QEII was her boss at that prevention center
and fired her. But Lynn remained a fair weather friend for years
after, because the sound of ready cash does that. See Carol can
never say no.

Lynn comes from a wealthy family in Manhattan. Lawyer types. So
is all of Lynn’s siblings. But not Lynn, she is by the scruff of
her neck. Getting pulled out of danger all the time. Pink slips
and eviction notices. But she still swears she was the Queen.

Well the Queen is on the couch and needs wine and dog food, in
that order. It has worked in the past, so Lynn goes to Carol’s
check book. Back pages of an unused book, in random order. Hell,
why go through the embarrassment of asking when Carol was only
going to say yes anyway? Signs a couple with her practiced hand
and out to the Bunghole. Bunghole is a famous liquor store in
Salem. With that name, it is Salem motif number one for tourist
photos.

See QEII has been staying at my place mostly for the last two
years. Lynn would of kept the cobwebs out of that apartment in
Lynn. Lynn Lynn, the city of sin, You never come out the way you
go in! Well Lynn went in poor and came out thousand dollars
richer. Rent free.

Money Fairies. QEII (second incarnation not to be confused with
the reigning monarch of England.) might of been called the Fairy
Queen for a reason. See she was so bad with money, it almost
always fell out of her pocket. But if you had money fairies
putting it back into envelopes for you in various forms of
checks, you would not worry. How do you think England in Queen
Elizabeth’s time went from broke to the world’s strongest
empire? But QEII was always worrying about it. So when she was
robbed a thousand dollars from Lynn. The bank gave her money
back right away because they did not send he a bank statement
for two years which would of warned her. Also Lynn had to pay
back the thousand dollars she stole. In the end QEII made $2,000
, $1,000 she never lost in the first place. She still does not
believe in her Fairy Friends.

Well QEII is somewhere in the world and I did see Lynn
afterwards. She was coming out of the hospital. This was a
follow up visit. See three months before, she went in to get
some corns operated on. See she had a bad foundation in life
with her neglectful parents. On that day she was coming out of a
follow up appointment for her stomach surgery. She had a couple
feet of her intestines removed. I guess she could not stomach
what she did to her friend the Queen.

Like in the Babington plot, Queen Elizabeth could of
disemboweled her herself. Then hanged to be followed by drawn
and quartered . To be finished by decapitation. I guess half a
disembowelment ain’t too bad, by proxy at least!

November 26th, 2007

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Add comment August 14th, 2007

It’ll Feel Better When It Quits Hurting

Let me give you some advice putting together a swing set takes
more then one person. That is unless you enjoy suffering aches
and pains in muscles you did not even know you had. My wife told
me to get some help but I assured her by the pictures in the
instructions it looked like one guy could do it. Boy was I
wrong.

So there I was the swing set instruction book in one hand, while
the other hand was waving goodbye to my wife as she drove off on
a weeklong excursion at the shore with her lady friends. As I
turned around to go back into the house I was thinking this was
going to be a great week. I could get that swing set together in
one or two days and then have the rest of the week to lie around
watching videos and playing on my computer.

My wife was on the road to the shore, my kids were both away at
camp for the week, so for me it was just an empty house, one
simple building project and then relaxation. . What more could a
guy ask for? Well for one thing cooler temperature and a weeks
vacation to finish the project.

The next day dawned with bright sunshine, high humidity and
temperatures in the high ninety’s. I was dreading it already. My
thoughts turned to ideas of abandoning the project until cooler
temperatures prevailed. Say around November or December, but my
wife was counting using that swing set for her daycare kids so I
couldn’t let her down. We all no that guys are always on time
with the tasks that our wives ask us to do.

So with such great (hot) weather to start off the first day of
my building project I laid out the tools and the different parts
of the sing set to in order to better acquaint myself with the
instructions, all the parts to the swing set and whatever else I
would need to get me started. Well actually that is what I
should have done what I actually did was get my tools rip open
the boxes and lay into that thing. An hour later and at least10
pounds lighter from all the sweating I had my first two boards
bolted together I was on my way.

Once I was finally able to get those first two boards together I
figured it would be all down hill from there, but unfortunately
the hill I was going down would last five scorching hot, paint
blistering days. Well I exaggerated a little on the heat but it
was hot and it was humid. The kind of humidity that causes your
shirt to stick fully to your body but even that could not dampen
my joy (pardon the pun) because by the end of five days I
finally had a fully functional swing set.

Well I hoped it was functional and it appeared from my
observation to be put together correctly. Well it looked like
the picture on the box. Now as to how well it would hold up
under the rigorous use of little children remained to be seen
because no children had actually played on it yet.

My week, of what I thought would be rest, turned into one of a
lot of sweat, toil and pain. In fact I was in agony for a couple
of weeks because I had used muscles I did not know I even had
all in the name of putting together a swing set that had as it
was written on the box” some assembly required’, but you know
once I got over that pain and watched those children playing on
that swing set it was all worth it.

That is the same way life is, sometimes we go through a lot of
pain and suffering and do not understand why, but later when we
look back we see that there was something we learned from what
happened to us. It may be some small truth or something that we
can build on later but the point is we have learned.

I know I learned a few things from putting that swing set
together. One do not believe in instructions that say some
assembly required, because they actually should say you are
going to spend days trying to figure out what these instructions
mean. Two, be careful of the weatherman when he says sunny and
warm. Three, get a couple of guys who know what they are doing
to help you put together whatever it is you are assembling and
then provide them with support and a lot of water and lemonade.

June 2nd, 2007


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